It is autumn. The colors and smells take me back to when Iwas a kid still riding the school bus and getting excited for Halloween. I want to go back to when Iwas little; everything was so simple and magical. The smell of cinnamon and burning leaves and rain are signals that it's fall. Football season, homecoming, Thanksgiving and all the good stuff. The cold rush of air into my nostrils reminds me that I'm alive. As the the sting of wind hits my skin, the hair on my neck and arms stand up and I get goosebumps. I take a deep breath and head to my destination. What could happen today? Will today be good or bad? Will I do something that I might regret? Will I make a fool of myself? Will I go to sleep smiling, like I'm wishing?
I think about these almost every time I leave my house. I prepare myself for the day.
Lately, I've been falling asleep with a smile on my face, getting excited to wake up in the morning to that "Good morning :)" text.
That text message comes from a special person. We are just friends, but sometimes I wish it was more. He's just so sweet and friendly and actually cares about what I have to say. But he likes another girl. Which is the worst reality when you start to like someone.
His name is Daniel. Simple, blunt Daniel. His cousin is Brandon, and he's dating my friend, Ariel.
Ariel and I are really close so I think it'd be cool if Daniel and I dated because we'd always hang out together.
But even though we're perfectly fine as friends, I wish there was a way that he could see that I'm the better candidate. He doesn't really know about how I feel. I'm kind of afraid to tell him; I don't want to ruin our friendship. But all I think about is how to make him think of me, and everything that we could be. I just wanna open his eyes. Maybe, just maybe.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Crazy, stupid, wonderful, beautiful life
Sometimes I think life is just too unpredictable and I don't like that I can't see the future. It's my future so, why can't I know it? I don't like not being able to know if I'm going to pass my BIO 108 class. I would like to know if I am ever going to have one true friend that would drop whatever they are doing to help me.
I think Shawna would do that for me. She's helped me through so much and she's my best friend. But Jessenia is also my best friend. And so is Kiahana. Sometimes I wish we could all be best friends and hang out with each other. But I doubt that will ever happen.
Life for me is getting better. I had a very good time at homecoming and I danced the night away. Even if I was dancing alone I was having a good time. I'm glad I went with Carlos. He's really cute too. But I don't think anything will happen between us due to the fact that he doesn't talk...EVER!
But anyways I think that when you're so low, you can only go up from that point. And that's my status. I'm going up and it can only get better!
I've been thinking that I need to see life in a more positive attitude. But for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic.
When you expect the worst, you won't be disappointed when it happens. But if your hopes are high, they could get crushed like a peanut under a semi, in an instant. And I don't like feeling hurt.
Being hurt is like getting a little piece of you taken and hidden somewhere that you could never find. And there's only one thing big enough to fill the void that inside of you. And for me, it's just a breath of air. That's my go-to answer for everything. Just Breathe.
I think Shawna would do that for me. She's helped me through so much and she's my best friend. But Jessenia is also my best friend. And so is Kiahana. Sometimes I wish we could all be best friends and hang out with each other. But I doubt that will ever happen.
Life for me is getting better. I had a very good time at homecoming and I danced the night away. Even if I was dancing alone I was having a good time. I'm glad I went with Carlos. He's really cute too. But I don't think anything will happen between us due to the fact that he doesn't talk...EVER!
But anyways I think that when you're so low, you can only go up from that point. And that's my status. I'm going up and it can only get better!
I've been thinking that I need to see life in a more positive attitude. But for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic.
When you expect the worst, you won't be disappointed when it happens. But if your hopes are high, they could get crushed like a peanut under a semi, in an instant. And I don't like feeling hurt.
Being hurt is like getting a little piece of you taken and hidden somewhere that you could never find. And there's only one thing big enough to fill the void that inside of you. And for me, it's just a breath of air. That's my go-to answer for everything. Just Breathe.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
tears don't mean you're losing
I think it's a bad trait to be curious. You know the saying, "Curiosity killed the cat." I think it's the truest statement anyone could ever say. I don't like trying to make myself better just to make someone else happy, but I do.
I was at the powderpuff game and I didn't hear it, but someone yelled, "Whitney Waters is ugly." And my friend told me. Honestly, I could've gone my whole life without knowing that someone said that about me. I reacted kind of bad. I went home and cried. I don't know why that made me sad. I usually don't care about what people think about me, but lately I've been trying to please so many people that I can't stand the stress anymore. I feel like i've lost myself this year. I don't know how people can judge me, when they don't even know me. I don't even know who I am anymore.
And I feel like every person I put my trust in, they always fail me. My homecoming date was from rock falls. He dropped out of school and his dad won't let him go to sterling's homecoming.
So I was kind of freaking out yesterday. But I found a different date, and he's from this school. So hopefully it goes well.
Clearly I was wrong about the "friends" I have. My best friend won't talk to me and I don't know what I even did to her.
For some reason, I'm just going through the motions of high school. Not fully experiencing the ride, just riding along in the backseat. I feel really alone at some points because I have no one to talk to.
I was at the powderpuff game and I didn't hear it, but someone yelled, "Whitney Waters is ugly." And my friend told me. Honestly, I could've gone my whole life without knowing that someone said that about me. I reacted kind of bad. I went home and cried. I don't know why that made me sad. I usually don't care about what people think about me, but lately I've been trying to please so many people that I can't stand the stress anymore. I feel like i've lost myself this year. I don't know how people can judge me, when they don't even know me. I don't even know who I am anymore.
And I feel like every person I put my trust in, they always fail me. My homecoming date was from rock falls. He dropped out of school and his dad won't let him go to sterling's homecoming.
So I was kind of freaking out yesterday. But I found a different date, and he's from this school. So hopefully it goes well.
Clearly I was wrong about the "friends" I have. My best friend won't talk to me and I don't know what I even did to her.
For some reason, I'm just going through the motions of high school. Not fully experiencing the ride, just riding along in the backseat. I feel really alone at some points because I have no one to talk to.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Pre-Homecoming Madness
September 9, 2011
It's about a week until homecoming. And it's the most stressful week that I've ever experienced. I think planning for homecoming is more stressful than planning your wedding. If you are a cheerleader, you have to make up a homecoming dace, which you perform in front of the entire school so you can't look retarded. Which means, you must practice, practice, practice. And also you MUST make up an eight count. I made up most of the dance. So I'm pretty stressed about the sucky freshman not being able to stick the moves. And we also have to add stunting into the equation. The timing has to be perfect; We have to stick to a stunt that everyone can do, which is a pain the the arss because freshman don't know how to do anything!! So three basket tosses, cradle, pop-up extention, lib/heel strecth/scorpion, sweep, catch. Yep, this is going to be a long week. Also I have to get my dress altered today Which will take a little while and I still have to come back to the pre-homecoming assembly! Omg, I'm ready for this weekend and going to six flags with my momma. I love her. She does so much for me. I just hope she knows that I appreciate everything she does for me.. Well anyways, time to practice for the cheer. Yay!
It's about a week until homecoming. And it's the most stressful week that I've ever experienced. I think planning for homecoming is more stressful than planning your wedding. If you are a cheerleader, you have to make up a homecoming dace, which you perform in front of the entire school so you can't look retarded. Which means, you must practice, practice, practice. And also you MUST make up an eight count. I made up most of the dance. So I'm pretty stressed about the sucky freshman not being able to stick the moves. And we also have to add stunting into the equation. The timing has to be perfect; We have to stick to a stunt that everyone can do, which is a pain the the arss because freshman don't know how to do anything!! So three basket tosses, cradle, pop-up extention, lib/heel strecth/scorpion, sweep, catch. Yep, this is going to be a long week. Also I have to get my dress altered today Which will take a little while and I still have to come back to the pre-homecoming assembly! Omg, I'm ready for this weekend and going to six flags with my momma. I love her. She does so much for me. I just hope she knows that I appreciate everything she does for me.. Well anyways, time to practice for the cheer. Yay!
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